a la deriva
please write comments on my essay here
Comentarios
- "El hombre pisa en um serpiente venimosa." Instead of saying pisa, which would be the present tense, use the past tense, which would be pisó. Serpiente is a feminine word, so therefore, the article should be una. In saying venimosa, I think you were trying to indicate that the snake was venomous, so you would say venenosa, staying in accordance with the gender of the word serpiente.
- "El hombre fue envenenado por la serpiente." You can switch this sentence around to instead say that the snake poisoned the man, which would be la serpiente le envenenó al hombre.
- "El mató la serpiente cortándolo en mitad con un machete." When you are talking about the man doing something to the snake, or vice versa, remember to use le. Also remember that when talking about the person who is doing the action, él needs to have an accent on the e. It is only when using the articles in front of objects (el/la/los/las) that you don't need accents. This sentence could instead say él le mató a la serpiente en su lomo con un machete.
- "..bajar un río en un barco." Just for clarity sake, instead of saying un río, el río would be a better option since a specific river is being talked about, and it sounds and flows better. Instead of saying un barco, una canoa provides for better imagery and more clarity.
- "El se murió mientras él estuvo en su manera y no lo hizo." I'm not really sure what you are trying to say here, so I would suggest rearranging it to get your point across in a more understandable manner.
- Try starting your sentences with something other than El and changing it up a bit to allow for variation in structure.
- "El empezó a sentirse mejor pero muerto antes él podría llegar a al médico." Muerto is the adjective for dead, so instead the verb morir should be used, saying se murió. Antes de should be used, and therefore the rest of the sentence could be revised to say antes de encontrar un médico.
- "El hombre pisa en um serpiente venimosa." Instead of saying pisa, which would be the present tense, use the past tense, which would be pisó. Serpiente is a feminine word, so therefore, the article should be una. In saying venimosa, I think you were trying to indicate that the snake was venomous, so you would say venenosa, staying in accordance with the gender of the word serpiente.
- "El hombre fue envenenado por la serpiente." You can switch this sentence around to instead say that the snake poisoned the man, which would be la serpiente le envenenó al hombre.
- "El mató la serpiente cortándolo en mitad con un machete." When you are talking about the man doing something to the snake, or vice versa, remember to use le. Also remember that when talking about the person who is doing the action, él needs to have an accent on the e. It is only when using the articles in front of objects (el/la/los/las) that you don't need accents. This sentence could instead say él le mató a la serpiente en su lomo con un machete.
- "..bajar un río en un barco." Just for clarity sake, instead of saying un río, el río would be a better option since a specific river is being talked about, and it sounds and flows better. Instead of saying un barco, una canoa provides for better imagery and more clarity.
- "El se murió mientras él estuvo en su manera y no lo hizo." I'm not really sure what you are trying to say here, so I would suggest rearranging it to get your point across in a more understandable manner.
- Try starting your sentences with something other than El and changing it up a bit to allow for variation in structure.
- "El empezó a sentirse mejor pero muerto antes él podría llegar a al médico." Muerto is the adjective for dead, so instead the verb morir should be used, saying se murió. Antes de should be used, and therefore the rest of the sentence could be revised to say antes de encontrar un médico.
Hey Brian,
Starting from where Cara left off...
I think when you said "acerca de" you meant "de sus amigos..." like about..."El se murió antes él podría ser salvado." This sentence is a little off. It kind of seems like a translation rather than your own ideas.
The word "suceden" Wow...
-In the first paragraph when you say, "El hombre pisa en um serpiente venimosa" you should use piso because it's in the past and a specific moment and you also mis typed un and wrote um.
-"El hombre empezó a pensar acerca de sus amigos" in the second paragraph when you say he was thinking about his friends it would make more sense to say el hombre empezo a pensar a sus amigos or use sobre, because acera doesn't really fit.
-Also, in the second paragraph instead of "esta cuenta" it should be este cuenta.
-In the second paragraph when you say "yo pisado tambien en una serpiente" you should use piso with an accent as the verb for pisar.
